My Blog

Recently a friend of mine whos crowning glory was his braided hair, shaved his head off. He asked for my opinion, " Sweets, maganda ba?" And I’m like…"Lumayo ka saken, di mo ba alam mahilig ako sa kalbo?" Before anything else, I want to clarify this - Bald and not Balding.  No to receding hairlines…but the Agassi types are real hot on my list…especially if it’s matched with a goatee that doesn’t suit all men - SO PLEASE… MGA TRYING HARD!

I had dinner with Rhett and Faye tonight at Dencio’s…And he spent a good deal of time comparing the men in our past. ..And how he insinuated that one out of 5 broke the mold, and the other 4 had something in common…I couldn’t understand how he could come up with that conclusion when in my head there was one thing evidently similar among my brood - THEY’RE ALL FOR THE IMPROVEMENT OF THE RACE. Mahilig ako sa gwapo, aaminin ko ng walang kahiya - hiya. Whether they are moreno or tisoy, matangkad or my height, chubby or payat…As long as I will wake up each morning smiling at the face of the person beside me…

At one point in time though, all my exes have been skin - head or Kalbo, and boy did I find them unbelievably oozing with sex appeal, and oh so hotter than usual… I think it’s the combination of the clean look and the take me I’m yours dating - parang mamasamain ka, ika nga…Lalaking - lalaki.

I’m not saying that I go for looks and looks alone, or as my friend Rhett puts it - looksee kinda girl. But the attraction is a real must from the start…That could sprak off things, but the substance keeps it going. Ayoko ng walang sustansya kausap. …Of course, it’s an added perk if he’s kalbo.

Usually friends from different places would ask me " Sino crush mo dun sa office?" Sagot: " Ah yung kalbong TL sa kabilang account (which is my favorite kalbo of all time )" Sino type mo sa building nyo? " Ah yung kalbong may - ari ng 7/11 sa baba " Sino type mo dun sa banda mo? Ah yung drummer na kalbo ( double trouble yan - basta drummer sweet lover ). "  Who was the cutest of all the guys you recently dated? " oh the bald one."

Ewan ko . My crush ng bayan (queenie quoted) would probably have to be bald. If I had my way with it, I’ll shave off all my dates and see muna if they look good without hair. Hehe. My fettish - kanya kanyang krung krung yan. Kung iba mahilig sa paa, sa mata…ako sa kalbo. hahaha. Added value if that kalbo has broad shoulders…and arms to hug you all night with! Saya diba! And syempre everything else follow….

So, kalbos out there…ready to line up?

Yep, it’s official…I turned 28 last Thursday on a blessed rainy day in July. As usual,the downpour decides to go full blast on whichever date I decide to celebrate, whether pre or post, my party has always been done when half of Manila is under water. My dad interprets it as luck coming down on me, I see it as the whirlwind of happenings that never seem to end in my life…Hello hindi nakakatuwa ang laging inuulan…bawal magswimming party.

This year though turned out to be the most interesting of all birthdays I’ve ever had in my entire life. Kakaiba kung iisipin. I started it off with lunch with my 2 best girlies at Yellow Cab, then I went off to visit my very pregnant best friend. On my way back, a cute but taken boylet pays me a call on my mobile: One to well - wish, and two to announce the birth of his new angel! So now, every time he looks at his daughter he gotta think of moi! Sweet coincidence ain’t it? ( as long as mommy doesn’t read my blog ). But that wasn’t the clincher. I hailed a cab to get back to Ortigas, and on the third taxi driver who was about to refuse me, I accidentally stopped it at the same time that an old colleague did, someone I havent communicated to in the last 2 years. And she tells me that she met the present girlfriend of an ex and the girl started to ask about me. So, what’s the mother of coincidences here? What truly are the odds that I get into the same yellow car with someone who had very disturbing news to bring? Psycho ass bitch strikes again…

So, I go on to having a blast last Sunday. At first, my spirits were dampened as the streets started getting wetter by the minute and text messages came in one after the other saying they can’t make it cause they’re stuck in flood and the oh so dreary weather. Still, when I got there, fashionably late and looking like a Pussycat Doll (hehe pagbigyan nyo ko, bday ko eh ), I was just equally delirious with the smaller group that managed to make it compared to the long list i originally had. I was beaming from ear to ear the whole night, and no alcohol can attribute to this as I didnt have a single sip. I was busy dancing, smiling, laughing, singing and just plain hanging out and clowning around with friends who I haven’t gone out with recently.

The most touching part of my enchanted evening, was the fact that the men who raised me were all there - NO NOT MY BOYLETS. I grew up with my brother’s friends surrounding me and pampering me. Over the years they’ve all gone their separate ways - married or working abroad. And on this particular night, they were all present, together - laughing and deliriously happy.

They realized how I’ve grown into an adult over the years and I in turn found out that I shouldn’t be out there looking for men who don’t deserve me just because I don’t wanna be alone…I have all the love that I need, I just forgot. And all the hugs and the kisses that night from these group of guys will not replace any orgasm in the world…well maybe one or two….haha.

So, the night cap was my gift opening session. I got some really pretty jewelry, but most interestingly of all, I got a vibrator. I was not shocked because it was my first time to see one, but more on the fact that for 2 straight years now, I received a bunny once more! DO I LOOK LIKE I NEED IT ? in tagalog - MUKHA BA KONG TIGANG?

Hindi naman sa nanghihingi ako, pero sa mga excited excited na hindi maintindihan kung ano isusuot hanggang ngayon, may 24 hours pa kayo para bilan ako ng gift….Here’s my wish list…Pero your presence is enough…naks…(paiinumin ko kayo eh, its the thought that counts).

1. Undies - God, I love my underwear…Guess my stats right, though ha!

2. Sleepwear - anything that’s good in bed, is great for me.

3. Yosi - Sobrane Classics naman jan…kung tagtuyot talaga, ok na ko sa DJ Mix na Strawberry.

4. Starbucks Mug - Yung mga tumbler and whatever chorva nila pwede na.

5. Wallet - Kasi lagi kong nawawasak.

6. Malalaking Bag - kahit mukhang ewan. Mahilig ako sa big bags.

7. Bob Ong Books - shocks sobrang funny!

8. Mini Mah Jong Set - saya.

9. Esse Stuff - 3rd floor Sm Megamall lapit sa sinehan.

10. Kahit anong BaYo, Maldita, Tango, Mango, Charles and Keith. Pero kung tyangge ka, mahilig ako dun sa mga kunyareng abercrombie na sando na racerback, P180 dalawa.

11. Lotion. Basta Extra Moisturizing. Dry Skin.

12. Sleeping Aid. Any will do. Pick your poison.

13. DVD ng Last 6 episodes ng Desperate Housewives Season 2.

Wala na kong maisip…yung iba kase technomarine chrono collection…digicam na bago…eh wala namang bibili sa kin non! ( parinig ).

Two more days, and I’d have to say I’m 28 years of age…God how did time fly so fast <—argh cheesy line! But no matter how corny or cliche that is, it is simply the awful truth ( and I say that with a British twang ala Bridget Jones ba).  Has it really been that quick? It seems like only yesterday when I was stuck in 80’s garb - not that i wanna remember the bright blue skirt and the neon yellow top my mom made me wear. And its as if I had my 18th shindig a few weeks back. Now a decade later, I’m stuck planning other people’s debuts!

Ten years since I turned 18…hmmm makes you wonder. What happened to my youth? hahaha. Well, I’d like to think I’m still young at heart, and the fact that I could still fool a 20 year old guy into dancing with me, makes me feel great - but if he thought I was mamasan material, ibang usapan yan. Realize the differences. On boy watching for one, at 18 when you see a cute guy of around 18 - 22, you blush and you smile timidly. Now, you see a hottie of the same age, you wink and you smile, and when he approaches you say - tuition or load?  Before, when you meet a hunk, you go "do you have a girlfriend?" and you back off so fast if he’s taken. Now, you ask " are you single or are you married? if you’re married are you happy?"  At 18, you were the brat, now I freak at the site of the household bills. Back then all I had to worry about was how my hair looks and make sure I don’t have a zit, and if I ate too much, it wouldn’t even show. Now, i hardly have time to look at the mirror, and I calorie count and threadmill my way into healthiness. But life has been good as well. Growing up has taken its toll on me, especially if you have the same philosophy as mine - Bahala na si Batman. Nevertheless, I’m proud to say I survived it all. Now, I have a stable job where I’m the boss of me, a business that shows off my passion and earns me good money, and friends that have proven to be true and sincere all these years. At the same time, I think I’m emotionally ready to live on my own, get my MBA, and buy my own car.

A lot of my goals before I reach 30 have been achieved or are getting there. There were some stops and delays along the way, but the bottomline is I kept on persevering. Whoever I am now, is a bi - product of years of crazy soul searching and just letting things happen. And all though my realizations were more of one week delayed after thoughts, I took the consequences head on.

One of my dreams back then, was a firm and resolute vision of walking down the aisle at 25. Three proposals later and a couple of failed relationships, the nearest I’ve gotten to a wedding is coordinating the music. Right now, I’m evaluating if I really want to be married. I even ended up arguing with a cab driver once because he was insisting that it is just bad to die all alone.

I believe in destiny.  That life is pre-destined and whatever we do we cant escape what is meant for us. We can try to dodge it but hell - the healthies person I know got hit by a truck that came out of nowhere.  There is no such thing as security.

So, I’m 28. Two years more and I’ll be 30. I need to buy me some time….

In a few days, I’ll be celebrating my birthday. God I need to scream everytime I think about turning 28! Imagine that…freakin 28 years old. That’s why I decided to throw a party, so that I will remember how good the years have been compared to how old I’m getting. And I’m celebrating it with friends, not with relatives who will pester you with the inevitable question "Ba’t di ka pa nagaasawa?"

In the middle of yoga class yesterday, I thought about 2005 and how was I at 27. And I sure learned a lot, for so many things had happened. And I came up with the following resolutions and goals…Kayanin ko kaya?

1. Work is work. You gotta love it, keep it, and make it the number one thing on my list of priorities.

2. Thou shall sleep at least 8 hours a day to avoid wrinkles…and crankiness!

3. Thou shall wash my face before sleeping, and MOISTURIZE!

4. Thou shall move out and buy a car within this year.

5. Thou shall have washboard abs in the next 3 months….loving my boxing class…not to mention my instructor.

6. Thou shall not go out anymore with men who have strings attached and baggages to pass on to me.

7. In addendum to number 6, thou shall not sleep with them too…

8. Thou shall go out every weekend and party like i deserve to!

9. Thou shall stop thinking im growing old and still single and feel bad about it.

hay….sana maalala ko lahat to no?

On one of our smoke breaks, my impeccably brilliant co - worker goes " When you like someone, who recently broke up with her boyfriend, when’s the right time to move in?" My answer, which was the first thought in my head was…"uhmmm…never?"

Honestly, I think badly of men who move in for the kill, thinking you are vulnerable and a yes would be as easy as stealing candy from a kid…giving you a shoulder to cry on, being a phone call away, quoting famous lines of advice, taking you out on coffee venting sessions…and before you know it you’re trapped in his arms, feeling guilty after a kiss because you still have your ex in your head…and unfortunately in your heart.

Let’s turn the tables around.  Recently, I’ve been stuck in deep mud with "Grey’s Anatomy." Dr. Mc Dreamy ( Patrick Dempsey  my soon to be husband ), just got out of a marriage when he met Meredith. It came to a point when she had to ask him what she meant to him, and his reply was "Meeting you was like getting a breath of fresh air, when I was drowning." So, when you come to rescue a broken hearted individual, are you willing to settle to just be the " fresh air" in her life?

I’ve been both the "fresh air" and the "broken hearted."  And I hated being both. Some people might think that the broken hearted one has the upper hand in a rebound relationship. As the saying goes - get another one to forget one. But can you imagine the emotional turmoil? Forcing moving on and healing is a mistake that most hurt people take. And when you realize that you are not ready and just need companionship to fill in the emptiness, that makes us what men call bitches. When you play with their feelings, you are actually toying with your emotions as well, kasi pinipilit mo lang.

Being the "fresh air" isn’t any easier. Every moment spent with the other person isn’t completely happy as you spend half of it fearing that you are just a rebound option.  Then you push yourself to do more, to express more so he or she can finally move on and just love you, pick you instead, realize that you are greater than the ex on the pedestal. Or in some cases, you have to hold back as he or she is under going too much hurt, stained as they say. And you in turn pressure yourself to get her to believe again, to hope once more that with you it would be different.

At present, I just got done being the "fresh air" for ten long months. And now I am the broken - hearted, as I failed to make him leave the past behind. A good guy friend who could have easily moved in to rebound mode told me something I would never forget to appreciate "Kaibigan ang kailangan mo ngayon. Wag muna tayo maglandian."  Nakakatawa diba? Pero totoo.

Rebounds can work. But most of the time you both try too hard, and end up hating each other as you both tire of the process, struggling to make it right and proper; when it wasn’t from the beginning.

So, sabi ko sa friend ko, bago maubos ang yosi ko. " Dude, be her friend… If you’re as great a person as you really are, it’s impossible for her not to fall for you."

OK, I confess I’m addicted to other people’s YM stats…especially the interesting ones, the ones that make you ping them and ask them to elaborate. Today, a cutie who’s stuck in the dessert, goes " Risk Being Loyal. " Hmmm…that got me thinking. What does that really mean? It sounded self - contradictory as Risk is often equated to instability, and Loyal is often equated to security. Yet, putting them together in one phrase makes total sense…well sort of. As a single woman, out there looking for love, or should i say waiting for it, there is a repititive process - you go out on a date, you end up liking the guy, you’re going through the steps of the getting to know you game…then what? High School was easy. You like each other, you kiss…kayo na. Adulthood sucks in the sense that everyone’s too careful around commitment or unwilling to give up the seemingly great world of freedom…too many choices. As you like this person more and more, it becomes clearer everyday that you only want to spend time with him and with no one else. And since dating’s rule includes not talking bout fidelity and what have you, one can’t assume that the other party is also keeping his hands to himself. So, at that time, when one decides to fall in love and give all, then there lies the risk. Would it be worth it in the long run?

This is one of the complexities that singlehood poses. People always tell you that you are better off alone, enjoy it. But then again, on your search for the right one, a number of unrequitted loves and several broken hearts later, does it pile up to happiness? Singlehood consists of a little death waiting to happen everyday - the call that was forgotten, the date that never arrived, the pain of holding back how you feel for someone who might not feel the same, and finding out that you want different things from each other.

And the tiredness… of being hurt, of skirting around each other, of hoping…