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Don’t worry, am not gonna ramble on about the ampalaya again, but something to that effect, just a few notches deeper. Just yesterday, I witnessed a moment that left me red and speechless. Was waiting fot Little China to dish out my rice box, when all of a sudden I see this couple right next to me…Arms locked in a powerful embrace, groping hands, passionate lips entwined, not minding the buzz that Megamall brings…You could see his youthful rage of hormones screaming as he kisses her…and her…well…you could see she needs a new set of dentures… and a new coat of hair color while youre at it….(rhett! chuchay!)…He was probably 30…She was most likely 60. Don’t get me wrong, these things really do happen. My mom’s sappy take on this would probably be "Napanood ko yan sa Maala-ala Mo Kaya. Si Gloria Diaz at si Carlo Aquino." So, live and let live.

I described the scene in front of me to someone I used to like (wink), and his reply was: Either you’re envious or you’re scared you’ll end up like that in the future. While I pretended to have a fit over what he said thru text, my real reaction was a long, speechless, undescribable, empty stare.

Fast forward to a day later, a new found friend ( that feels like an old soul ) states he’d rather date fine wine than fresh blood, savoring the bittersweet maturity that only experience can bring. I would probably have to agree with him ( little boys, stay away ), and really can not see myself with someone so much younger. I guess, what time has made me into, jaded and stained on most days, would just be TOO interesting to handle for the early 20’s. On the other hand, the "more mature" would use much syllabicated adjectives as "fascinating," or "inspiring." As the young would opt for "A little less conversation" the 30 somethings ( my preferred age) do a better job at pretending to be really interested in who you are. I’d also like to think that older men get distracted less by short skirts and low necklines. ( I once had a date, who hardly looked at my face, If my tits could talk, they’d have a heated debate for hours). Bottomline is, they are greater at making you feel that attraction isn’t merely superficial, and being strong - willed and overachieving is viewed as an asset and not as an ego -bust. And if that were the case, I wouldn’t really mind trailing off every so and so minutes, thinking how much time before he goes totally bald…( mahilig naman ako sa kalbo, kaya ok lang yan ). I just wish there were more of them single 30 somethings out there…

So back to the grocery, and lola’s smooching adventure, all though I would probably hit her with a bat if she were my grandma, I actually felt good for her…A. cause she’s still getting some lip - locking action ( and who knows what else, salamat sa BLISS ( ice flavor please) may asim pa! ), and B. cause she was simply happy at that particular moment in time. And if that would be temporal fever that ends as she pays for his kind services, so be it. Nakangiti naman sya eh! It may seem sad that due to the scarcity of men her age she opted to date three generations down, but what the heck, if you’re going for love, then might as well go with what life brings you.

Today, someone very dear to me, begged me to miss him, want him and not give up on him, however blurry the future looked for us ( sounds like Meredith! ). But tonight, I was told to smile more, to believe that something great is on its way, and not to settle for what is less than I deserve. Tonight, I was asked to be hopeful again, breathe and live, and  resurrect from my little deaths. . . .Well, I guess I could try. And put an old fragment of a memory as basis for trying to put poetry back into my life:

I watch you as you drive

Careful not to smile, and weary not to hope.

Into the sunset we glide,

As my temporal bliss goes into shades of gold.

No giddyness, yet thrilled.

Content at the moment, scared of tomorrow.

Perfect, yet bittersweet.

How can happiness come with so much sorrow?

" You have great legs. What time do they open? " Geez…does this really work on anyone??? Well, maybe if Wentworth Miller was asking, or some cutie who doesn’t require thinking. He can ask you to come be his slave, and all you can do is nod. But seriously, we see all these movies, God forbid not the tagalog ones, where a girl meets a guy at a bar, and he lashes out some unbelievably cheezy line and she’s suddenly all gaga for him. Does that happen in real life???

My friend says that we live in a post - dating world. So, how does the game go now? You see a hot stud in a bar, he picks you up, if you like each other you start singing " who’s gonna drive you home tonight?" ganun na lang ba talaga? makuha ka sa tingin at sa isang beer?

I think that this new "world" is becoming sort of normal for the younger generation. Either that or I’ve suddenly become ancient and old - fashioned, which is the last thing that I wanna be. I’m still your normal take me out to dinner kind of gal, coffee on the second date, drinks on the third…Hey a girl has to eat!!! Should you turn out to be an ass or loser, at least we got some free food, aight??? ( I like Nagomi, Friday’s, Banana Leaf Curry, Fish and Co,….and Dampa! Most recently the CRISPY TOKWA’T BABOY at Marikit-Na!).

Let’s say that we go my normal route, and things get hot and heavy, sans the big L and C word, how do you bring up I NEED YOU TO COME OVER one cold summer night?…( which we’ve been having recently - we are turning into a dessert - hot as hell in the day, breezy by the moon beam ).

In the past, it was a simple " hey my parents arent home, let’s crash!" But now that were consenting adults and it’s a question of who’s place - yours or mine, how do you charm your way into a night of hanky panky without sounding tacky???

Do you Johnny Bravo " Hey Baby, can I come Over and do you?" Or do you hide behind the seemingly romantic " I really miss you right now sweetie… ( well did you have to wait til 12 midnight to come visit? ) Kung pasimple ka pwede ring " Huy tara nuod kang dvd dito sa bahay ko.Walang tao, ako lang." ( DO WE NEED TO BE ALONE TO WATCH FLICKS???)" To the men out there, stop patronizing us, we know a booty call when we hear one…And when you do get laid, your first line would be: " I didn’t plan on this happening. " Talaga lang ha.

I think that women do a classier job. When we say "Punta ka dito, I baked a cake." WE DO MEAN THAT EXACTLY, and should we end up in whip cream is entirely up to your moves, you just gotta show up- looking good, smelling great, and preferrably a McDreamy stubble that 2 days of no shaving gives. If it were up to me, I’d send a sexy pic that had a headline - Come to bed, baby. Wala ng bolahan. Like what I always say to my married friend, start foreplay while he’s still at work, and you’re texting him to drive home early. I guarantee you by the time he gets to the doorstep he’ll be half naked…Well, unless you role play…

So, in conclusion, let’s not get TOO creative in hiding our real intentions. Women these days are only stupid when they choose to be, especially those who treat us as LEVEL 4’s ( this is what I get from watching Oprah ) - Yung pupuntahan ka nalang pag pauwi na galing gimik or date - mabaho na sya, naghahanap lang ng uuwian para hindi alone for the night, and the free breakfast doesnt hurt diba. Quesehodang galing ka pang bulacan may dalang malaking teydi ber, i don’t care! kung gusto mo ko makita, dapat maaga ka umalis no!

So back to post dating world and cheesy lines…Stop thinking too hard. A genuine " Hi, can i buy you a drink?" works all the time….

Nebs…am I being angsty again???

I was having a smoke a few minutes ago, enjoying the calm breeze that only the end of a work night could bring, from the balcony of our 9th floor office in Emerald. Looking down, some girl crossing the street catches my eye. And what eye would miss out on her black dress, matching red belt, bag and Minnie Mouse polka dot shoes? And it made me say wow, if I may quote my friend Lily, " Red shoes are such a commitment."

Most people would actually agree with her. Your usual black, white and beige can go with much about anything…But not dear old red, not yellow, violet or green. While most people buy shoes to match their various outfits, these colors would ask you to do your shopping the other way around - Sadly, I have all these hues in my shoe rack. A self - confessed shoe whore, I’ve been buying clothes to match my many - colored footsies!

The same could be said on how I pick my men. The more complicated they are, the more I seem to be drawn to them. ( Wasak! ).  The goody two shoes just don’t present much of a challenge, as my mom puts it " Kung mamili ka ng lalaki yung parang kaagaw mo buong mundo!"  And like my purchasing habits, I’ve altered my life and my beliefs to be able to accomodate, these so called " odly - colored men." From single to annuled and most recently married, from a college student to some VP in the US, from showbiz personality to some druglord…And true enough they all had some quirk that made me want to be with them…I think  I have messaianic complex. I have a tendency to believe that I can actually reform cheating bastards, turn little boys into grown men ( child abuse! ), and make great achievers out of dawgs that have no future. And somewhere along the way I always convince them to shave off their hair….hey usher…

Now, I’m two years away from 30 ( nyak! ), and I’m buying less and less pairs of shoes…I no longer have my fuschias anf my yellows, just a silver and a gold, a black and a beige, and some sneakers. I guess the same can be said about my taste in men…I guess my age is catching up with me… I guess the colors seem to be taking a more subtle tone…My my my…my plastic suddenly got its much needed rest from swiping action…

A tropical, Old World, tendril-bearing annual vine. I’m sure all of us have seen an amplaya at least once in their lives. But have you ever heard anyone assoiciate this long, shaft - like veggie to the male genitalia? Like I said, graveyard brings out the worse in anyone, and just as the sun was about to set yesterday, our work topic was that of finding LOVE ONLINE. A friend, who will hide under the name, Suzmita ( wala gusto ko lang ), reminisced of a man she met in one of the more popular dating sites. As the name of the chat room was "30’s love," Suzmita assumed everyone was as the age implied; and his account photo, was that of a young, strapping gentleman. A few months later, so called Guy flies to Manila. And on one faithful night in Bubba Gump, Suzmita gets the shock of her life when Guy turns out to be 30. . . + 30 more…Hello, lolo ikaw ba yan??? So, we all asked, "Ok namang matanda, eh kung gwapo naman ba? " Ang Suzmita’s unforgettable answer was : " Wala akong pakialam kung gwapo sya, AMPALAYA na yun no!" As our breathless laughter faded, I kept thinking, "Pakshet, anung itsura nun!." I shudder at the thought.Furthermore, as most americans would have it, "jupot ba, ni? ( uncircumsized ).My Gulay, combine amplaya and that supot factor, at kung malas pa sya at 3 inches lang yan, lolo may mararating ka pa kaya? Your tongue better be top - tornado with extra human capabilities, with a face that could launch a thousand sighs ( naks! )." Think about it, even if it were a mutatedly large ampalaya, will it smoothen under the influence of viagra???"No offense to Anna Nicole Smith ( RIP ), pero pano nga kaya ??? At kung si Sean Connery ka naman…well…hmmm…wish ko lang hindi lasang ampalaya! ( I don’t even eat the actual veggie…) I actually have to ponder on dating older men, because I usually get hounded by the lolos and the titos - of all ages and races ( Mal, ayoko nung may arai ng minahan sa Iraq!). At one point, this Japanese guy actually followed me all the way to the ladies bathroom. Heller???? I know I’ve been quoted to say, that you can’t choose who you love, but when it comes to age, I guess I gotta draw the line. I prefer men who are my age til 40 maybe, but anything more than that…I don’t think so…Ayokong mamulubi kame sa kabibili ng viagra, at mabyuda ng maaga. Kung mas bata naman sa ken…well…like I said before " tuition o load?" But then again the men in the age group I’m seeking are hardly ever single…gay even or going there ( sawa na sa babae ). And the high - quality ones sigurado nabingwit na no. So, lesson for the day…wag magkunwari! You’ll never really know if the love of your life is just at the other end of that PC. You wouldn’t want the person to fall for a different version of who you are or were….Kung lolo ka na, wag mo na itago! marami pa naman jang hot lola…Kung dati kang lalaki…get away with what you can…And if you’re married in real life…hay…you better not be listed in google…( read prior blog to this ).

I know it’s such a cliche, overly used, unbelievably tacky, pang beauty pagenat, sorrority girltalk question, but it’s still worth asking…Ever dated a Married Man??? Sadly, my answer is a reluctant, almost fading out YES.

When my five year relationship ended traumatically, I found my friends feeling unbelievably obliged to set me up with every single man walking the face of the earth. But what remains to be my worst date to date ( hehe ), was a favor for an officemate…a HUGE ONE. He saw me through someone’s Friendster and allegedly begged her day and night to ask me out to dinner. And out of the goodness of my heart, and mostly pity for my supposed friend, I said yes – hiwalay naman daw. 15 minutes into it, I was looking out the window…as he told me how he idolized Vanilla Ice up to now, hence the haircut ( shoulder pads anyone? ). And if that wasn’t low enough, he actually got into detail how his current marriage is failing – sex life included ( grabe ha, too much information! ). Luckily, my boss at that time and I had an agreement, that he will pretend to call me in early for work, should the date turn out bad…in this case, it was a national catastrophe. A few minutes before I left him, he was already saying:

Para

ka palang computer no? Naghahang ang processor??? I have never been so quiet in my whole dating life.

Forward on to 2006, I chanced upon some cute guy, said to be SINGLE. We met up and what came with the handshake was a resounding: Hi, I’m BLANK and I used to be married. I have a 2 year old daughter and I’m processing my annulment. Wow! I was taken a back, thinking do I really want get into such a complicated situation? But my loneliness won me over, and one drink turned into twelve months of togetherness. I learned a lot from that but soon got myself out, as I really don’t have the time to wait for society to rule he’s mine for the taking.

When I finally ruled I’m ready to go out and explore again, I met up with a chat mate. He was cool, not my usual skin head hot, fairer than my typical Romeo, but all in all funny and witty. Our drink was followed with lunch, then breakfast and daily phone calls. I was starting to think, my bad luck has ran out and something good finally happened to me. I guess being consumed by the thought of someone does have its disadvantages though, as I ended up looking him up through Friendster and myspace…But Google was the winner…and he turned up in a wedding supplier’s site…with a barong on, a gushing bride by his side and one of my favorite hosts giving them a congratulatory hug…GRABE…my reaction was … it was…pang – famas…like the first time I saw the video of Mahal taking a bath ( Mas malaki pa yung Orocan sa kanya ). Buti na lang walang screen capture…It was like watching a train wreck…it’s gory but you don’t wanna miss it anyway. Nakakatawa pa cause I actually know his wife…So, if he doesn’t leave me alone, vengeance is a phone call away.

The wound ran shallow, nothing that a few beers couldn’t kill, but it made me go: “What the fcuk is happening to my life?” Here I am, trying to make good from wrong, knowing and valuing my worth, and I end up on the losing side still. I felt a wave of relief that I found out early on in the game, but Vonda Shepard started singing in my head once more “Alone Again, Naturally…” It’s back to dvd marathon weekend…

My friend says I drive all the good men away, and have a thing for those in very complicated situations ( either that or they’re bi – polar ). May messaianic complex daw ako. I think I can save them from being the womanizing cheating dawgs that they really are. . . Well, a girl can only hope for the best…hahaha…

So, my dear friends…do I kiss dating goodbye?…my bad luck seems to be wearing itself out…