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So, maybe the real question is how can we be truly happy??? That was our topic last Sunday. I excitedly met up with a girlfriend who I haven’t seen in more than two years and we ended up going to a bar where my favorite singer/bassist in the world was playing - who I also haven’t ran into for more than a decade.

I went to that gimmick with my nearing - 30 blues feeling heavy on my shoulders, and being as hopeless as I always am  ( the bright, shiny resolution didnt last ). I already acknowledge the duldrums of being single now, I don’t hide behind defense mechanisms. Dati pag tinanong ako " bakit wala kang boyfriend/asawa?" my blunt answer would be, complete with kilay 2000 "ok lang, mayaman naman ako eh." But now, I usually say that there’s just no one out there who wants to be in a relationship with me. And that particular Sunday, was one where I cried my eyes out at a spa, due to another failed dating expedition. I was sobbing because again I gave my best, and it just wasn’t enough. I was hurting because again I was told " I think you’re great" but…there’s always a but…never good enough to commit to? And my closest friends have been in relationships for so long, they don’t really know how it is to be out there at my age. . .At the same time being in the wedding industry doesn’t really help.

I bring my sorrows to the table, what a couple of Kurant 7s can do, and my two friends come up with their own woes. My girlfriend is in a relatinship with a guy she loves so much she can’t imagine being without him…but he hardly makes time for her. Sees her once in a blue moon and disappoints her most of the time. ( WAG KA MAGAGALIT HA PAG NABASA MO TO ). My guy friend, sees his boo on a daily basis, hangs with her, gives her what she wants hand and foot, and she doesn’t seem to be satisfied. ( Hmmm…opposite problems no? Maybe I should match make these two… You know who you are…are you game? ).

So, the question is, is it a better deal to go home alone at night and sleep worry free, than have someone beside you but be stressed all the time? And my answer is a resounding no.

Cheesy as it may sound, I would rather be fighting for this one thing I believe makes me delirious over the little deaths that singlehood brings - that eventually makes you jaded and immune, you forget how love is like. I haven’t had the real thing in more than two years. And I miss waking up knowing there is someone out there thinking about how my day is going to turn out, and falling asleep in someones arms that beats any bad day at work ( kahit gaano kaliit yung kama nyo). To quote Carol King: Same man you fight with over breakfast is the same man you’ll make love to tonight.

I’ve stopped believing that something great is coming its way, cause the one person that got me out of my cynicism, hurt me so deep that it made me question what I think I deserve. Maybe I’m aiming too high, maybe I’m just not meant to settle down like everyone else, maybe I’m meant to have cats instead of kids…

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007 at 9:11 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.