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" He didn’t know how to use it." My uberly disappointed girlfriend excalimed. She finally had a go at it with this guy with major sex appeal, and apparently he did not live up to her expectations…Or based on her story, ANY woman’s number one requirement in bed: an orgasm.

But what really gets me, is the look on our faces the morning after a so called "bad -fuck." It’s a weird,undescribable stare that says " I can’t belive I slept with him." Contrary to the beautiful after-sex glow that is spelled out by an ear-to-ear grin and a surge of endorphins; this experience leaves you with a foul mood and slows you down in disamazement - - - how could it have been so dreadful??? Well, I could only think of a few answers, so boys, you better listen up…

a. Rape - rapan: No foreplay, just rip of your panties, let me get done and I don’t care if you came or not.

b. Hoover kisser: I once dated someone who kissed like a vacuum cleaner. If he can’t turn me on with just his lips, I could imagine having temporary paralysis for the rest of the evening.

c. Talker : self - explanatory. Like I said, " If it’s not trash talk, save it for when we’re done."

d. Where is it??? : You know what I mean, but before you start thinking that it’s all about the size, let me explain further. Honestly, it is a factor, but not if you can’t work your equipment the right way and the right duration— SAYANG SI MANUY! Statistically, Filipina women prefer Maling over Foot long. But of course, no one wants a longganisa, right? ( sa lagay hahanapin ko pa yan!.This is it, OH!)

e. Selfish Pleasure: Para sa mga lalaking walang pakialam kung napaligaya ang kaulayaw sa kama. Utang na loob, God did not give you a mouth, hands, fingers, tongue, and an overly perverted brain for nothing!

But we really can’t blame men for everything. As they say, it takes two to tango. It’s a known fact that boys get overly excited when they do someone for the first time - meaning that an early erruption is sure to happen. The control is in our hands. And of course, girls, let’s be honest. It takes sheer will power to pull off a Meg Ryan Award - best faker! But some women prefer that over telling the truth. My fried has it easy. When asked if she reached heaven, she just gives this weird look on her face… I can’t do that. I would blatantly say NO, with a look of rage.

I told my friend, "Don’t you wanna give him another chance?" And her answer was a shocker, but made so much sense: " I don’t want to. Matuto pa sya sa ken at gamitin nya sa iba. It’s already enough of a benefit I gave in for a night, wag na nating dagdagan."

So boys, don’t be all Mr. Macho Man when you get to bring home someone with you for the night. For all you know, the joke will be on you the next day. We always kiss and tell…Someone is bound to find out…We may have needs, but we have standards.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 8th, 2007 at 7:52 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.